so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
