I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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