before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
