You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
