Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
40s are totally the cure
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
