Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
