shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
