I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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