dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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