I cannot find my penis.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
