Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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