So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
