Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
