Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
