If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
