You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
