It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
