Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
