I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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