whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
