she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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