fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
