woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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