So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
