so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
