I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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