Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
