so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
