I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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