So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
