it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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