this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
