If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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