I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
