It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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