i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
