I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
