I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
