So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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