there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
