yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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