Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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