gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
