I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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