The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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