i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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