Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
