you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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