My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
