I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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