I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
