Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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