I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize