I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We need to rekindle our bromance
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Cover your peen. We're going out.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
